Hello again world... Time for a new installment of "Nine Lives To Live" starring yours truly.
Ahem, after settling in that first day, the next few weeks flew by in a blur. I had to begin to train this new human, I suppose to make it easier, we can call her "mom." So, Mom was obviously new to this being owned by a cat thing... but the weird part was, I smelled another cat had been there. I can only assume it was a traveling sales cat or a gyps-cat since mom hadn't a clue. It was like starting with a baby. I had to herd her to my food dish to fill it (some very tasty crunchy morsels) and change my stagnant water. And then in the evenings she would put down this wet slop. She would pet my head and tell me it's "yummy salmon" and that it would be fantastic. Yeah, fantastic if it weren't in *my* dish! Fish? Seriously? How many cats do you see swimming in the stream to eat? I haven't met one. I'm a land-lover matey, I want T-U-R-K-E-Y. So, as any self-respecting cat would do, I turned my nose up and then howled like I was starving to death... I even threw myself on the floor for effect but she just stepped over me (*stepped OVER me* people- anyone know the number to animal control??? I'm slowly starving to death and she doesn't even CARE!). Since my dramatics were ignored, I went back to my dish and ate some of my crunchy tidbits; I figured at least when I died of starvation, I would have a full crunchy belly. :-)
Then there was the issue of this noise box... I swatted at it, knocked it over, but it continued to make this horrendous sound. I burrowed deeper under the covers, but without fail, mom would also swat at it and make it stop. Ah silence, blessed... what the? Wait, mom is getting up? It's DARK out... we don't get up when it's dark- we wait until the sunbeams shine through the windows (she also has obviously never heard of windex- my beams of warmth are interrupted by SPOTS!). So, she gets up, staggers over to my dish and fills it up with some more crunchy goodness, changes my water and begins doing all those crazy things humans do to leave the house... She pats me on the head and tells me to be good. As if. I curl up in my bed and give her my "of course I'm an angel!" look as she walks out the door... And the whole place is mine! :-D Since I will need all my strength to get into mischief, I will take a quick little cat nap... *snore* *snore* *snore* Hey- I didn't tell you to type that! I don't want everyone to know I snore. No, stop typing! S-T-O-P T-Y-P---- *swat*
*Streeeeetttttccccccchhhhhhh* (you know you're jealous!) *Yawn* That was the most excellent nap... now what to destroy first... I think the sofa needs some fluffing. So, I swagger my way over to the sofa, eying the soft green cushions, flexing my fierce, well-sharpened claws, as I dive in for the kill I hear a crunching noise. I stop mid-leap, hit my nose on the coffee table and land with a thud, er I mean, on my paws ever so gracefully. *blink* *blink* The door opens and in comes MOM! What is she doing home? I only slept for like 5 minutes... She walks in and asks how my day was... she's calm... how can she be calm? She must have been canned if she's back home this early... I am too handsome to be homeless...or *gasp* what if she brings me back to the inhumane shelter? I was getting used to this place... it's not that bad... but... but... it's DARK outside again? How did it get dark again? That spinner looks like it's pointing at the 5... Did I really sleep 8 hours? I must have... Oh thank goodness... *phew* Oh dear, she's opening another can... tonight is "pot roast"... of course cats eat pot roasts... I mean, 12 pound cat verses 400 pound cow, you know the cat will just tip. her. right. over. <eyes rolling> T-U-R-K-E-Y... What do I have to do to this insane woman to get through??? Gobble?
*Gobble* *Gobble*
~R
No comments:
Post a Comment