I'll skip the apologies for my tardiness on this blog... So without further ado... I present my latest adventure in "Riley's World"
Happy Holidays everyone!!! And Happy New Year! 2013 has come in with a bang! Literally...
I bet you feel a story coming on...
Once upon a time there lived a devastatingly handsome, debonair, charming, outgoing Siamese kitty.... Oh right, you know that part- you've all "met" me... >' '<
It all started on one brisk, chilly December day... Mom was packing up a suitcase so I *KNEW* she was deserting me AGAIN... And this time, she was leaving me for WARMER weather and NOT taking me with her! She's packing shorts and tee shirts... talking about Sea World... Orlando... sunny beaches... while I mournfully peek out from my blanket at the snow covered trees... ^.- I glance at the indoor thermostat... it's a balmy 57 degrees Fahrenheit... so I hide my head under the blanket again...
Well the fateful day arrived and mom was out the door, with a kiss on the head, mumbling something incoherently (of course) about a coworker checking in on me... Abandoned... Sing along with me now... make Celine proud...
"All by me-owself! Don't wanna be Alllllll byyyyy me-owself Anyme-owwwwww......"
So.... looked like Mom was going to be gone for a while... I could throw a neighborhood party... swing from the ceiling fan... find a sunbeam to keep company... write in my blog (ha ha ha ha!!! I kill me... LOL)... eat some crunchy goodness... take a nap... and as I moseyed around the house and into the kitchen, I noticed the "island" my mom set up ("Martha Stewart" over here and her ingenious cheap ideas stuck a couple of rolling carts - as in WHEELS- up on bed risers to use as extra counter space and then added a bookcase as a back-splash to hold all of her teas, spices, tea pots, misc kitchen gadgets and all the other stuff she'shoarded, er collected, over the years...) and it got me to thinking... I thought to myself, "Self, that looks like a track... like a Nascat track... I could practice my high speed left hand turns!"
Drivers....
Start.
Your.
Engines!
Puurrrr Purrrrrr Puuuurrrrr....
And left....
and left....
and left...
and left...
and left...
and left...
and le... woah... I'm getting dizzy... Is that a mouse? a MOUSE???? I have to get out of here! Um, I mean, catch it! It's getting closer! I'm going up that bookcase!
2nd shelf...
3rd shelf...
5th shelf...
*CRASH*
*THUD*
*GLASS SHATTERING*
*BOOM*
An earthquake!
Paws, check.
Tail, check.
Any cuts, scrapes, bruises, broken bones??? No! Check!
Uh oh... Um...Mommy is going to be a little upset by this cat-astrophic event... Maybe she won't notice... Lets see... I'll just push that over there... *la deeee daaaa* swish my tail over the dust... yeah, barely noticeable... I'll just tiptoe around that half of the tea pot... she never drinks a full pot anyway....
***a day later***
*key in the lock; door opens; some guy walks in with a, "What the HECK???" look on his face*
I saunter down the stairs to see who dared to wake me from my slumber in the middle of the night... (people, it was like 1 am! What the heck?)
"Um, hello, can I help you? Are you lost? How did you get in here?"
"What happened Riley?"
"You know my name???" Wait a second... he has a little beard... and a mustache... I've seen him before... O-M-G!!! Devil's in the house! I died in the earthquake wreckage and he's here to take my soul!!!
*backing up the stairs slowly... but watching Satan walk toward the kitchen*
I can still hear him...
"What the heck happened in here? Why is the light on? Hellllloooooo?"
"Murrrrrrrooooooooowwwwwwww" (I can only assume the evil one is talking to me since I'm the only one here...)
"Be quiet cat!"
"Hrrmph!" Who does he think he is? "Oooooh, I'm Satan and I just told a 13 pound cat to be quiet... I'm so evil... " Whatever devil... It's no wonder he's here when mommy's not... she'd scare him away! Especially since it's 1 am and her hair would resemble Medusa's snakes about now... Now I'm not saying that she's terrifying to look at, but let's just say I'm thankful that it's dark in the middle of the night... but shhhhh, don't tell her that! ;-)
Anyway, where was I... Oh right, Lucifer was climbing through thewreckage the small, barely noticeable mess... and pulls out what I believe to be a Geiger counter... Holy cow, did he just say an 8.45 on the Richter scale? No wonder he's here! I must have lost all 9 lives (okay, okay... I probably only had 7, er, 4 left... FINE, whatever...) in that earthquake! The Angel of Darkness stares at the gadget- it makes no sound... And after a few minutes of silence...
"Oh well." I hear him mumble... "The cat appears to be okay and she'll be home soon... Try not to destroy anything else cat."
WHAT? Me??? You think *I* made this mess? No such luck my horned friend... I cleaned up the mess that I made... Apparently when you opened the door and tiptoed in, like a thief in the night, you knocked that entire book shelf over... tsk tsk tsk... My mommmmmy is gonna be maaaaaaad! And don't think I'm covering for you! :-P
***Two days later***
"Riley, I'm home!!! I hear you've been a mischievous, evil kitty while I've been gone... Holy cow, the kitchen...
WHAT.
HAVE.
YOU.
DONE???"
"It wasn't me!"
"Riley, I know this mess was made by you, but how on EARTH did you knock that entire shelf over??? I could see you knocking some things off of it... but the WHOLE shelf???"
"It wasn't me!"
"Alright, alright... let me guess... did a little mousey-wousy scare you again??? Make you run and hide???"
*GASP*
"What? Well I never! Moi? Run and hide??? Have you been hitting the catnip when I wasn't looking? I AM the Mouse Hunter: Extreme Edition... What are you talking about crazy lady??? Don't you remember that time when I brought the mouse to you??? Hello, madd kitty skillz right there... How many cats do you think have the willpower and strength to not just snap that little neck? None, other than me, I tell ya! NONE!"
^.-
"I'm too tired to deal with this right now... the broken glass is picked up and I'll have to deal with the rest of it in the morning... I just can't believe the destruction! What were you thinking, Riley???"
"meow" :-P
Well, my faithful readers... I apologize this blog has taken so long! Mom cleaned up the mess and replaced it with a smaller shelf that she is hoping that I, I mean, the Devil, doesn't destroy again... She did manage to take another trip this May to see the Diminutive One and my pal, Cari... I hear there is even a shorter one amongst them now... I do hope they don't think they're visiting me... One wee lad was enough for me... but two??? And even smaller??? Nope... not happening! Not in this house, no way! I'm putting my paw down cat-gone it!
Ooh, sorry guys, I've got to go... Mom just pulled in the driveway... and I may, or may not, have a mess to clean up before she gets in here...
In a hurry!!!!
~R
Happy Holidays everyone!!! And Happy New Year! 2013 has come in with a bang! Literally...
I bet you feel a story coming on...
Once upon a time there lived a devastatingly handsome, debonair, charming, outgoing Siamese kitty.... Oh right, you know that part- you've all "met" me... >' '<
It all started on one brisk, chilly December day... Mom was packing up a suitcase so I *KNEW* she was deserting me AGAIN... And this time, she was leaving me for WARMER weather and NOT taking me with her! She's packing shorts and tee shirts... talking about Sea World... Orlando... sunny beaches... while I mournfully peek out from my blanket at the snow covered trees... ^.- I glance at the indoor thermostat... it's a balmy 57 degrees Fahrenheit... so I hide my head under the blanket again...
Well the fateful day arrived and mom was out the door, with a kiss on the head, mumbling something incoherently (of course) about a coworker checking in on me... Abandoned... Sing along with me now... make Celine proud...
"All by me-owself! Don't wanna be Alllllll byyyyy me-owself Anyme-owwwwww......"
So.... looked like Mom was going to be gone for a while... I could throw a neighborhood party... swing from the ceiling fan... find a sunbeam to keep company... write in my blog (ha ha ha ha!!! I kill me... LOL)... eat some crunchy goodness... take a nap... and as I moseyed around the house and into the kitchen, I noticed the "island" my mom set up ("Martha Stewart" over here and her ingenious cheap ideas stuck a couple of rolling carts - as in WHEELS- up on bed risers to use as extra counter space and then added a bookcase as a back-splash to hold all of her teas, spices, tea pots, misc kitchen gadgets and all the other stuff she's
Drivers....
Start.
Your.
Engines!
Puurrrr Purrrrrr Puuuurrrrr....
And left....
and left....
and left...
and left...
and left...
and left...
and le... woah... I'm getting dizzy... Is that a mouse? a MOUSE???? I have to get out of here! Um, I mean, catch it! It's getting closer! I'm going up that bookcase!
2nd shelf...
3rd shelf...
5th shelf...
*CRASH*
*THUD*
*GLASS SHATTERING*
*BOOM*
An earthquake!
Paws, check.
Tail, check.
Any cuts, scrapes, bruises, broken bones??? No! Check!
Uh oh... Um...Mommy is going to be a little upset by this cat-astrophic event... Maybe she won't notice... Lets see... I'll just push that over there... *la deeee daaaa* swish my tail over the dust... yeah, barely noticeable... I'll just tiptoe around that half of the tea pot... she never drinks a full pot anyway....
***a day later***
*key in the lock; door opens; some guy walks in with a, "What the HECK???" look on his face*
I saunter down the stairs to see who dared to wake me from my slumber in the middle of the night... (people, it was like 1 am! What the heck?)
"Um, hello, can I help you? Are you lost? How did you get in here?"
"What happened Riley?"
"You know my name???" Wait a second... he has a little beard... and a mustache... I've seen him before... O-M-G!!! Devil's in the house! I died in the earthquake wreckage and he's here to take my soul!!!
*backing up the stairs slowly... but watching Satan walk toward the kitchen*
I can still hear him...
"What the heck happened in here? Why is the light on? Hellllloooooo?"
"Murrrrrrrooooooooowwwwwwww" (I can only assume the evil one is talking to me since I'm the only one here...)
"Be quiet cat!"
"Hrrmph!" Who does he think he is? "Oooooh, I'm Satan and I just told a 13 pound cat to be quiet... I'm so evil... " Whatever devil... It's no wonder he's here when mommy's not... she'd scare him away! Especially since it's 1 am and her hair would resemble Medusa's snakes about now... Now I'm not saying that she's terrifying to look at, but let's just say I'm thankful that it's dark in the middle of the night... but shhhhh, don't tell her that! ;-)
Anyway, where was I... Oh right, Lucifer was climbing through the
"Oh well." I hear him mumble... "The cat appears to be okay and she'll be home soon... Try not to destroy anything else cat."
WHAT? Me??? You think *I* made this mess? No such luck my horned friend... I cleaned up the mess that I made... Apparently when you opened the door and tiptoed in, like a thief in the night, you knocked that entire book shelf over... tsk tsk tsk... My mommmmmy is gonna be maaaaaaad! And don't think I'm covering for you! :-P
***Two days later***
"Riley, I'm home!!! I hear you've been a mischievous, evil kitty while I've been gone... Holy cow, the kitchen...
WHAT.
HAVE.
YOU.
DONE???"
"It wasn't me!"
"Riley, I know this mess was made by you, but how on EARTH did you knock that entire shelf over??? I could see you knocking some things off of it... but the WHOLE shelf???"
"It wasn't me!"
"Alright, alright... let me guess... did a little mousey-wousy scare you again??? Make you run and hide???"
*GASP*
"What? Well I never! Moi? Run and hide??? Have you been hitting the catnip when I wasn't looking? I AM the Mouse Hunter: Extreme Edition... What are you talking about crazy lady??? Don't you remember that time when I brought the mouse to you??? Hello, madd kitty skillz right there... How many cats do you think have the willpower and strength to not just snap that little neck? None, other than me, I tell ya! NONE!"
^.-
"I'm too tired to deal with this right now... the broken glass is picked up and I'll have to deal with the rest of it in the morning... I just can't believe the destruction! What were you thinking, Riley???"
"meow" :-P
Well, my faithful readers... I apologize this blog has taken so long! Mom cleaned up the mess and replaced it with a smaller shelf that she is hoping that I, I mean, the Devil, doesn't destroy again... She did manage to take another trip this May to see the Diminutive One and my pal, Cari... I hear there is even a shorter one amongst them now... I do hope they don't think they're visiting me... One wee lad was enough for me... but two??? And even smaller??? Nope... not happening! Not in this house, no way! I'm putting my paw down cat-gone it!
Ooh, sorry guys, I've got to go... Mom just pulled in the driveway... and I may, or may not, have a mess to clean up before she gets in here...
In a hurry!!!!
~R
