Riley Verses The... Same Mouse

After two weary evenings of chasing this toy around the kitchen, I finally take a break to sit on a warm lap...  Unfortunately, said lap is shoved under the dining room table and I'm not sure my "big boned" frame will fit there... So I start circling... Mom Mom Mom Mom Mom Mom Mom "WHAT?" "Um, you see, I would like to sit on your lap and there is a table in the way... if you could just back up a bit, I'm sure you can still see what you're doing..." So, mom, even though she talks that gibberish language, appears to understand and backs up.  I promptly jump into her lap and lick the back of her hand, indicating she's been a good girl. No sooner do I shut my eyes, that stupid little box she insists on talking into makes a horrendous noise.  She gets up, obviously forgetting that I was sitting there too (and quite comfortable may I add...) As she yaks and yaks, she sits down on the stairs, so I mosey up a little further and sit on the stair so I can see over her head... I read somewhere that to maintain dominance, you should always be ABOVE your servants. And I begin to doze... I couldn't have been asleep for more than 5 minutes before all of a sudden I'm flying through the air in to the kitchen, What the??? I of course land on all 4's and glare accusingly at mom, WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU? And she's ranting on and on about something, but isn't she always? So I pay no attention and walk back to my place on the stairs... She is now pacing and considering her tone, I'm sure she is complaining about me again... But what can you expect from the help? And again, I'm tossed in the kitchen... Now I'm getting a bit annoyed, so I stand there, without looking around just having a staring contest with mom... perhaps if I can telepathically send her a message.... think think think... "I.... am..... tired... and .... want.... to .... sleeeeeeeep!!! Stop... tossing.... me.... into.... the.... kitchen...." Now I'll just sit here and see if she got it... She stalks off, so perhaps I had a breakthrough! *stretch* *yawn* Was that a noise??? Was that a tail??? In a single bound I'm across the kitchen checking it out... Sure enough there is a tail... just.... out..... of.... reach... I will sit here and wait... about ten min. later, the toy comes shooting out from behind the stove... I chase it around the kitchen... darn, behind the stove again. That's fine, I'll wait. And slowly it creeps back out, while I lie there statusque, just like my Egyptian ancestors immortally carved into the walls of caves. Now they knew how to treat a Siamese- yes like royalty unlike my own human counterpart... Um, what happened to the mouse? He was just here a second ago... OOH, he's across the room! So, I run across the room, the mouse runs underneath me and I pounce just as he dashes in between the cabinets... I stick my paw in for good measure, but know I don't have a hope of grabbing him... so I jump to the side and like a mighty lion, silently stalk my prey; I wait... Then mom comes in; she might as well have been playing the drums with how much noise she makes just walking across the room... I glare at her as grabs this light thing and shines it in the cabinet space... She yells something at me as she makes a mad dash upstairs... Next thing I know she has the vacuum monster in the kitchen. Um, hello, what are you doing? I have the mouse where I want him... do you understand the strategies I deployed to get him there? I am a strategic mastermind! And you bring down the vacuum monster? NOW you're going to clean the dust bunnies? Now??? You've waited months, couldn't this wait another day? hour? Woah, she's turned it on... and with a single leap I was in the dining room... I hear her mumbling over the ROAR of the beast, "just a little bit closer... just a little bit closer... a little..." *SWOOSH* *THUNK* "AHA! " Mom yells...  I come running in as she's dancing with the ungodly savage, pulling it's weird vacuum monster tail thing up in the air, tapping it... I think she's lost her mind. She finally turns the monster noise off and runs out on the back deck with it... She's back inside in a moment grabbing a pot of water and the garbage pail... From the table, where I know I'm not supposed to be, I peek outside... she's disassembling the beast, pulling out it's stomach, Goo mommy goooo mommy... kill the monster... kill the monster... and then she folds his stomach, puts in the garbage pail and dumps water on it... Woah, watch out here she comes again... She grabs the brick from the bathroom and puts that in the garbage pail too... Maybe the stomach was still hungry? And she's back inside grabbing some sort of greasy substance, looks like a picture of an olive, maybe? And she's sprinkling it around the edge... bet that'll be slippery and that stomach won't be able to escape... she's not such a dumb animal after all! She comes back in and plops back down at the dining room table... again creating an uninhabitable lap space... *sigh* She's so hard to teach anything; you'd think she had a mind of her own... Right before I fell off to sleep, I heard her mumble,

Adoption fee: $90.00
Monthly food: $20.00
His ability to kill a mouse: missing...

Vacuum cleaner: $10.00 at a thrift store
Vacuum bag: $0.50 at a thrift store
The satisfying *swoosh* *thunk* of cornering Mickey: PRICELESS

And that folks, is what really happened...

Riley Verses The... Mouse

So…. I don’t know what all the commotion was about, but since I’m getting a bad rep, I wanted to put my side of the story out there…

On a cool October evening in 2009, I strolled down for my pre-midnight snack. (That stingy mom of mine rations my food - thinks I’m getting chubby. I told her I was just growing into my fur, but as usual she doesn’t listen and tells me to be quiet.) As I was slowly chewing the last few tidbits in my bowl, my big Siamese ears detected a noise coming from the kitchen. I heard it that morning around the fridge, but even with that big stick mom was shoving under the fridge nothing but dust bunnies came out.  Perhaps if she cleaned more often, we wouldn’t have so many bunnies…  As I was saying, ahem, I heard a noise that mom was obviously oblivious to. I called to her, but the light was out and she pretended to not hear me; figures. Being the loyal companion that I am, I staked the joint out… I would show her that I wasn’t fat and useless… so I waited… and waited… and waited… I might have dozed at some point, but I was sacrificing … no warm bed… no covers to snuggle under… geesh… you’d think she would come down to see if I was okay… but NOOOO… just sleeping the night away like she has nothing better to do… Hmmph… Wait, what was that? I think I saw something… AHA! I found the source of the noise! It’s a little thing… like those toys I never play with, only a little bigger… 1 *wiggle*….. 2 *wiggle*……2 ½ *wiggle wiggle*…………….. 3! *Pounce* Darn missed… *POUNCE* I got you- you wascally mousey toy… <shake> <shake> Hmm… didn’t rattle like my toys… I think it’s broken…  so, I brought it up to mom to see if she could fix it… La deee da… Ooh, better be careful… I don’t want any tooth marks on it or she’ll yell at me for being too rough with my toys again… last time all the stuffing and the rattle came out… I tippy-toed up the stairs as quiet as a mouse… he he he… she’ll find that funny, I’ll have to tell her… Up on the bed, ooh her eyes opened… I have to tell her the hilarious thing I said… lets just drop this here… Woah, what happened? Why is mom in the other room now? Why is she yelling at me?  Um.. but… I said the funniest thing! Darn it got away… now how will she fix the rattle? Wait, where did mom go now? Yoooooo hoooooo??? I have a very funny story to tell you… where did you go??? Oh there she is… coming up the stairs with that stick... Anyway… as I was saying... I was heading up the stairs real quiet like see, and I said, "I’ll tippy-toe up the stairs as quiet as a mouse…!" Ha ha ha ha… Get it? I had a mouse… quiet as a mouse?  Why aren’t you laughing? It’s funny! Boy sometimes she’s dense… Are you even listening? Why are you after my toy? What are you doing? It’s just a toy… and the rattle is broken… we can just throw it away… Alright alright… I’ll look for it… stop your yelling… What are you doing with that broom? I told you I’m looking… I think it went under the bed… I’ll sneak up on it again… La dee daaaa… HOLY MOLEY! (Holy mousy???) What was that??? <insert large scary mouse shadow here>

Okay, she’s on her own… I’m going downstairs to see if there are any other toys she hasn’t picked up… maybe she should get a housekeeper since she’s obviously not Martha Stewart…

Woah, why is she bringing me upstairs? Didn’t she see that mouse???? (I saw it under the bed and it's HUGE! And SCARY!) I’m outta here… I’ll look later... maybe… but I doubt it… I lost a lot of sleep last night… I think I’ll take a nap… have a good day at work mom… *snore* *snore*

And that is what happened… What did she tell you happened???