Okay... well lets just say that it was OBVIOUS that *something* was up. I should warn you, if you're not sitting down, you might want to. Mom was (drum roll please....) CLEANING! I know! Now aren't you glad you were sitting down! It wasn't just her usual pick-this-up-and-pile-it-there "cleaning"... She actually got the vacuum monster out... and actually CLEANED! I was very confused... I had never seen her do this before and I had been with her for about a year and a half now (it's roughly the summer of 2010).
Anyway... the "reason" for all this cleaning finally arrives... in a MINIVAN! What the? I watch through the window as my mom stands outside waving as the MINIVAN pulls in... And out steps this taller human. Okay... one person, I can deal with that... Then the back door opens and out pops another human, about the same height as mom... Okay... two people... I can deal with...
WHAT? WAIT... No, no one authorized this... I'm pretty sure in my adoption papers this was STRICTLY forbidden actually... I'll have to run upstairs and dig those out.. this is UNACCEPTABLE! It's a midget! A short person! Someone who does NOT have to bend at the waist to pull my tail... He is so not coming into this house. *stomp*
So, as they marched in, single file, I waited for shorty... and as soon as he walked in, *BAM*, a 1-2 PUSH! Right back out the door. <and the crowd goes wild!> "Riley, what are you doing? Let Noah in"
The cretin has a name??? And she's allowing him in? This is a "kids free" zone... as in, NO KIDS! According to Riley's Adoption paperwork, Section B, Part 5, "Thou shall not allow children (or anyone under 5 feet tall) to enter said premises (aka HOME) for ANY reason. IF, this rule is broken by the adoptee, the adopted party <THAT'S ME!> will not and cannot be held responsible for his actions."
Okay, you're allowing him in <rubs paws together> "Bring it!"
Since I had to come up with a game plan (this was not in my play book since I never ever thought mom would actually let a little person in MY house), I ran upstairs to mastermind my strategy...
After a few hours of calculations, schematics, and pencil sharpening, I knew I had a winner. Let the games begin wee one... oh yes... let the games begin...
The Next Day
I slept pretty soundly, considering I *knew* there was evil lurking in the house... The next morning, mom got up and began to get ready for work. "Mom, you can't go to work, you have to take the day off. You CANNOT leave me here with them!"
"Riley, shush, they're sleeping still.. you'll wake them up"
"But MOM! You CANNOT leave me alone with them!"
"SHHHHHH"
"But..."
"Do you want me to feed you to the raccoons? Is that what you want? Riley, shut - UP!"
<glare>
"Fine, be that way... just remember, I can't be held responsible for my actions... if mini-Satan meets his demise, well, let's just say I warned you!"
"Ri- ley. Shush!"
I sulked off to lie in my sun beam upstairs.
I must have dozed off because the next thing I knew a football team had started playing defense in the living room... Confused, I ran downstairs to find the dwarf playing with MY TOYS! MY TOYS! Okay, so I don't play with them... but they're MINE and he can't play with them. I chase after the mousey he threw, grabbed it and tried to take off...
"ME-OOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWWW!" That was my tail! I think it's broke, he must have separated it from my spine... the pain... the pain!!! I open one of my clenched eyes to see that no one saw my performance other than the diminutive one and he was NOT showing any empathy. Okay fine, he didn't pull my tail all that hard, he actually only brushed it... but this COULD have been a disaster. I'm just sayin'
So, the pint-sized person is standing there and staring down at me, he reaches down... to pull my tail? grab my ear? Oh no he won't! And in a flash, I'm on up my hind legs and 1-2 PUSH! And down the munchkin goes! "Float like a butterfly <hop> <hop> Sting like a bee!" Buzzzzzzzz my little friend... BUZZZZZZZ!
The Score:
Riley 1
Pee Wee O
And then the big human comes in and says, "Aww, how cute... you're playing with Riley... Okay, Noah, come on and get in the shower- we're going to head out for the day."
They're leaving! Do a little jig! Happy Dance! Goooooood-bye puny one!
*stretch* *yawn*
"Don't let the door hit ya where the good Lord split ya. And don't bother waking me- you can see yourself out!"
I mean, I knew I was good... but darn, I'm gooooood... they didn't even last 24 hours with me... Yeah boy, see-ya!
Smugly content,
~R
Anyway... the "reason" for all this cleaning finally arrives... in a MINIVAN! What the? I watch through the window as my mom stands outside waving as the MINIVAN pulls in... And out steps this taller human. Okay... one person, I can deal with that... Then the back door opens and out pops another human, about the same height as mom... Okay... two people... I can deal with...
WHAT? WAIT... No, no one authorized this... I'm pretty sure in my adoption papers this was STRICTLY forbidden actually... I'll have to run upstairs and dig those out.. this is UNACCEPTABLE! It's a midget! A short person! Someone who does NOT have to bend at the waist to pull my tail... He is so not coming into this house. *stomp*
So, as they marched in, single file, I waited for shorty... and as soon as he walked in, *BAM*, a 1-2 PUSH! Right back out the door. <and the crowd goes wild!> "Riley, what are you doing? Let Noah in"
The cretin has a name??? And she's allowing him in? This is a "kids free" zone... as in, NO KIDS! According to Riley's Adoption paperwork, Section B, Part 5, "Thou shall not allow children (or anyone under 5 feet tall) to enter said premises (aka HOME) for ANY reason. IF, this rule is broken by the adoptee, the adopted party <THAT'S ME!> will not and cannot be held responsible for his actions."
Okay, you're allowing him in <rubs paws together> "Bring it!"
Since I had to come up with a game plan (this was not in my play book since I never ever thought mom would actually let a little person in MY house), I ran upstairs to mastermind my strategy...
After a few hours of calculations, schematics, and pencil sharpening, I knew I had a winner. Let the games begin wee one... oh yes... let the games begin...
The Next Day
I slept pretty soundly, considering I *knew* there was evil lurking in the house... The next morning, mom got up and began to get ready for work. "Mom, you can't go to work, you have to take the day off. You CANNOT leave me here with them!"
"Riley, shush, they're sleeping still.. you'll wake them up"
"But MOM! You CANNOT leave me alone with them!"
"SHHHHHH"
"But..."
"Do you want me to feed you to the raccoons? Is that what you want? Riley, shut - UP!"
<glare>
"Fine, be that way... just remember, I can't be held responsible for my actions... if mini-Satan meets his demise, well, let's just say I warned you!"
"Ri- ley. Shush!"
I sulked off to lie in my sun beam upstairs.
I must have dozed off because the next thing I knew a football team had started playing defense in the living room... Confused, I ran downstairs to find the dwarf playing with MY TOYS! MY TOYS! Okay, so I don't play with them... but they're MINE and he can't play with them. I chase after the mousey he threw, grabbed it and tried to take off...
"ME-OOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWWW!" That was my tail! I think it's broke, he must have separated it from my spine... the pain... the pain!!! I open one of my clenched eyes to see that no one saw my performance other than the diminutive one and he was NOT showing any empathy. Okay fine, he didn't pull my tail all that hard, he actually only brushed it... but this COULD have been a disaster. I'm just sayin'
So, the pint-sized person is standing there and staring down at me, he reaches down... to pull my tail? grab my ear? Oh no he won't! And in a flash, I'm on up my hind legs and 1-2 PUSH! And down the munchkin goes! "Float like a butterfly <hop> <hop> Sting like a bee!" Buzzzzzzzz my little friend... BUZZZZZZZ!
The Score:
Riley 1
Pee Wee O
And then the big human comes in and says, "Aww, how cute... you're playing with Riley... Okay, Noah, come on and get in the shower- we're going to head out for the day."
They're leaving! Do a little jig! Happy Dance! Goooooood-bye puny one!
*stretch* *yawn*
"Don't let the door hit ya where the good Lord split ya. And don't bother waking me- you can see yourself out!"
I mean, I knew I was good... but darn, I'm gooooood... they didn't even last 24 hours with me... Yeah boy, see-ya!
Smugly content,
~R
