Now I *know* what you're thinking... “That dumb cat got stuck in a tree... ha ha ha!” Um... and you would be wrong... <eye roll> May I remind you I'm an indoor cat and mom definitely has no trees in here! So... what would I be doing with firemen, you ask??? Well you sit right back and you'll read a tale...
Once upon a time, in a very near land... there lived a fairy princess (I guess I can't really say “fairy” in PC land) self-sufficient old maid (*sigh*) young lady with her one-of-a-kind, handsome, intelligent, talented, talking feline companion (yeah, yeah... I could have just said ,“she had a cat” but that doesn't do me much justice, now does it... hush and let me finish my story...). They lived in a beautiful castle 2 story house in desperate need of cosmetic updates... Our overly ambitious and driven lady of the house decided no job was too small (or too LARGE) for her to tackle on her own... She's torn down paneling to find charming lavender walls adorned with “artwork” (think five year old with a paint brush and Pac-man ghosts and you have the general idea)... She's replaced sub-flooring when she found out that she just about had half a bath in the basement (for those not in the know.. our heroine's “throne” was essentially rotting through the floor and within the first month, m'lady had the bathroom ripped apart to replace the 3' by 4' death trap). You get the idea... she's one of those do-it-yourselfer's... that is... until she met her match...
Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the match of the century... we have a new challenger today, new to this arena... it's... the lady of the house.... and in the other corner, the “raining” (yeah, it's reigning, but you'll get the joke in a minute... wait for it...) champ of the last few decades... it's.... The Old Plumbing (O.P.)!!! ( the crowd goes wild...) And the bell rings... Round 1... The lady circles... she's looking weary already... She sees the ice in O.P.'s veins and a fraction before he throws the punch the cameraman shows the action in slow motion... Lady exclaims, “Ohhhh nooooooo" *pow* It was an upper cut to the jaw and a slap in the face... The breath leaves her as she tried to retreat... But O.P. continued to pour his rain of death on her... It was a KO in the first few seconds...
Okay, a bit too abstract for you? This is what happened... Mom went downstairs for some unknown reason... (I believe it was about February of 2011) and noticed a column of ice INSIDE the house... she hadn't noticed this before so went over to investigate... she followed her hand up the column and accidentally touched an unknown pipe which promptly burst in her face, spraying her with ice cold water knocking the breath right out of her... She ran upstairs looking for her cell which of course was playing hide and seek with her... so she ran across the street (looking like a drowned rat, may I add he he he) and asked her neighbors to call the water dept. She ran back and finally managed to find her phone and call the police... An eternity later (ok, more like 5 minutes) THREE fire trucks showed up... THREE! What in the world did she tell them to send THREE large firetrucks and a little fire box truck thing... As the half a dozen firemen slowly sauntered through the house and were lead to the basement, I was herded into the bedroom and locked in there.. as if I would try to escape outside... hello, it's even colder out there... who would give up these balmy temps of 56 degrees (Fahrenheit people... Fahrenheit!) in here???
Anyway, where was I... right... the firemen... this part of the story is second hand so who knows how much mom has embellished... but I'll tell you as she told me... “So Riley... how many firemen does it take to turn off the water to this house?” Oh goody... a joke... “Four...” “ Um.. mom... that's not really a funny joke... you forgot the punch line... “Yes, Riley... I know...there is no punch line when it's pathetically true!!!!” So, while I hid under the bed... two floors below me... one fireman was turning off the water to the washing machine (I guess just in case mom decided to do a load of laundry while water poured into her basement)... another one watched the water dump to the floor, mumbling, “yup, this here is a burst pipe...” (ah, the brilliance), the third one was staring intently at where the water lines entered into the house spouting scary statements like, “I think your shut off is at the street ma'am... under 4 feet of snow” (WHAT???) and the fourth one... my hero may I add... grabbed a wrench and turned the water off... the lever was missing... and the blessed water stopped spewing... But of course... that means none of the house had water... But all was not lost... Mom made a few phone calls... and a plumber was actually able to fix the problem that evening.. Thank you Mr. Plumber Man...
Now for those of you who might be entertaining the idea that mom is an idiot... let me tell you about the location of this pipe that burst... a long long time ago, the people that had this house before, decided to “finish” half of the basement and put up paneling (what is it with them and gosh darn it paneling???)... then a water main broke and flooded the basement, destroying the “finished” part... but the paneling was not ripped down all the way... then mom buys the house... so this pipe, came down off from the bathroom plumbing above and followed the back wall BEHIND THE PANELING, sandwiching it between the concrete blocks and the paneling inside... Now, where did this pipe go to, you ask? No where... Ridiculously enough, this pipe followed the wall for about 10 feet and stopped... it was connected to nothing... just hanging out... collecting stagnant water... and freezing.... who puts a pipe to nowhere??? Well, mom had the plumber remedy that pretty quick... it's now cut off at the knees... lol... well, closer to the bathroom plumbing that is... and mom has some heat vent pointed at it to deter it from freezing again...
Sorry for taking so long to post this my loyal admirers... You see, we flooded AGAIN since my last post.... and trees have come down in the back yard (intentionally, don't fret my pets!)... and well, somebody has to keep all those sunbeams entertained!
Just call me...
The hostess with the mostest...
~R
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